Annie Christ’s blog

This is the song from Stained Glass Torture that got cut off at the end of last Monday's show.  If you watch closely, you can see why they got kicked off stage. 

Fucking BRUTAL!

Not too long ago, I went out with a guy I was working on a film with. I first met him when we had auditioned in a scene together where I had to grab his arms and do some minor petting and romantic dialogue.  He had nice arms. And he was cute – in an actor kind of way. (Not usually my type.)  But he persisted, and I had nothing better to do…..so we went out a few times.  He was a great kisser, but it never went any further than that.

As the film went on, some of our scenes were pretty hot and intense.  And of course, as you know, actors can get caught up in that sort of thing – even though they don’t ever like to admit it.  I wasn’t very emotionally invested in this guy – so I failed to notice that he was totally playing me – Playing me to SAVE me, that is. 

I found out when he had “The Talk” with me.  He really liked me. He wanted to take our relationship further.  He thought I could be “the one.” But he couldn’t let himself fall in love with me because he knew I didn’t have a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Oh my fucking God.  You should have seen my face.  Well, actually, I don’t know what my face looked like, but inside I was screaming like a banshee.  It’s one thing to get played by a “Playa,” but to get played by a Bible Beater – now that’s embarrassing.  I was fuming.  Fucking fuming!

I told him I really needed time to think – that maybe we needed to cool it for a while.  And I saw in his face a glint of hope – a smug self assuredness. He had done this before! I just knew it.  I had to get my revenge!

So I laid low for a few days.  He called.  I told him I was having a crisis of spirituality and that I really needed to think some more.  He thought he was winning. Motherfucker.

He called three times that next day, so I knew he was ready. I agreed that we should go out and talk.  That night, we ate dinner at a nice restaurant, and had some very nice wine to go with it.  (I’m sure he wanted to celebrate meeting his quota with Jesus or something.)  On the ride back to my place I accidentally had “Flower” playing on the CD player.  He asked me about it – I acted like I didn’t even realize that song was playing.  But I could tell he was shocked.  (Fucking virgin.) 

I poured more wine at my place – and more wine – and a little more.  He hadn’t noticed getting all sauced up in his reverie for my soul.  We kissed a little – and then a lot.  I “might” have told him something about needing more love and more guidance in my life. I don’t know how I didn’t bust out laughing. 

So…..thanks to the wine, the heavy petting, and the kissing, I managed to get him in my bedroom – then take his clothes off – then I blew him. 

The next day he called (crying) to say that his pastor advised him to not see me again – but he was torn. He thought we still had a chance – that I still had a chance at salvation.  I told him I’d see him in hell. 

This work by Lamar Sorrent has been above my bed since 2005.  Maybe it's time to find something a little more peaceful to watch over me. 

Lamar

Thanks to Adam Shealy of Black Hand Throne for this!

Continuing to run the music industry the way it’s been done for the past 50 years makes as much sense as putting a dinosaur on the endangered species list; and I’m amazed that there are folks out there still trying.  The days of depending on album sales to foot the bill for your gold plated airplane toilet are long gone – even if you’re Lady Gaga.  And most people can see that what is left of the corporate music industry has devolved into the beast that cannibalized itself.

We can all debate on why this happened; but does it really matter?  Technology was the tool that the industry counted on to get its products to the masses, but then couldn’t protect itself from its inherent accessibility. Of course, technology has become the great equalizer for indie bands.  They can make their own albums and videos.  They can be their own marketers and publicists.  And they sell their own merch at shows they’ve booked themselves. 

But let’s just admit that the white elephant in the closet with the 400 lb gorilla is that the big signed bands we all love necessarily become inaccessible and insulated.  Once “signed,” they are often transported into a bourgeois class of servitude dependant on the lawyers who ru(i)n their lives.  Being a bigger rock star does not mean you are a better rock star. It just means you carry a larger debt.    

I’m not saying all rock stars “sell out.”  Selling out is only really selling out if you become a traitor to what you were before.  It’s not selling out if you just become a bigger version of your original self.  But bigger always means slower.  In the post corporate music world, slower is never better.  Overpricing your product is not better.  And suing your fans is not better either.

What I am saying is that if what you do makes record companies and lawyers money, then they will use you to do it.   And if your mindset is compatible with that of the lawyers, then all the better for the record company.  Thanks to Lars Ulrich, each new Metallica release keeps lawyers in their Mercedes Benzes and foie gras lunches for another year.  (I wonder if I will get a “Cease and Desist” letter for that.)

That’s why I really enjoy having underground, unsigned bands on the show.  They can talk about whatever they please and even play a couple of songs without waiting on lawyers and publicists to meet and sign contracts.  And since very little metal gets played on the radio, these bands depend on their fans more than most other genres.  In a way, I see the show as a new way of tape trading - a way to get the word out without lawyer interference. 

I also like these bands because they know more than anyone that if you want your music to make you a millionaire, then you have to get out there and make it yourself.  They know that the “Some Day My Prince Will Come” mindset is  over; it’s defeatist and useless.  And they know that self promotion and approachability are the future of the music industry.